Some men use hookup apps to rob or blackmail gay and bi men, because they bet we won't report it. That bet is the whole business model. Being targeted says nothing about what you did wrong.

If You're in Danger Right Now

  • Your stuff is replaceable. You aren't. If someone demands your phone, cash, cards or PIN, hand them over. Don't fight over property.
  • Get out as soon as you can. Get to a public place, a shop, a taxi, a neighbour — anywhere with other people.
  • Call emergency services (112 / 999 / 911) if you're hurt, threatened, or still being followed.
  • If you feel suddenly drunk, heavy or confused on very little, you may have been drugged. That's its own emergency.

Robbery: The First Hour

Speed matters more than anything else here.

  • Freeze your cards in your banking app, or call the bank's 24-hour line from a borrowed phone. Say "my cards and phone were stolen."
  • If you were forced to transfer money, tell the bank that too — straight away. Fraud teams can sometimes stop or recall a payment, but only if they hear about it fast.
  • Lock or wipe your phone remotely: Find My (iPhone) or Find My Device (Android), from any browser.
  • Change your passwords — email first, then banking, then the hookup app. Your email resets everything else.
  • Write down everything while it's fresh: his profile name, the address, the time, what he and anyone else looked like, what was taken.

Sextortion: Someone Is Threatening to Share Your Pics or Videos

The pattern: someone gets explicit images or a video call out of you, then threatens to send them to your family, employer or followers unless you pay. Sometimes it's a scammer overseas working a script. Sometimes it's someone local.

Don't pay. Paying doesn't end it. It proves you'll pay, and the demands come back bigger.

  • Stop replying. No negotiating, no pleading, no threats back. Every reply keeps you on the hook.
  • Don't delete anything yet. Screenshot the profile, the username, the chat, and any payment details or links they sent. Then block.
  • Report the account to the app or platform. It gets the profile removed and protects the next guy.
  • Lock down your socials. Set accounts to private and hide your follower and friend lists — that's the contact list they're threatening you with.
  • Use StopNCII.org if you're 18 or over. It turns your images into a digital fingerprint on your own device (the images never leave your phone) so participating platforms can block them from being posted.
  • Tell one person. Sextortion works through isolation and shame. Once someone you trust knows, most of the threat's power is gone.

If the price is sex, not money — someone threatening to out you unless you sleep with them — the same rules apply: don't comply, keep a record, tell one person. That's sexual coercion, and the partner abuse guide covers it.

Scammers often don't follow through once you go silent — the business runs on volume, and they move on to someone who will pay. If something does get posted, report it to the platform immediately; intimate images shared without consent are removed under most platforms' rules.

The Setup Pattern

Robberies and blackmail through apps usually look alike beforehand. Knowing the pattern helps you spot the next one — and helps if you decide to report.

  • A new or thin profile, no face pic, and no video call. "Camera's broken."
  • Pushes to move off the app fast — WhatsApp, Telegram, Snapchat.
  • Asks for explicit pics early, especially face-and-body.
  • Picks the place, then changes the address at the last minute.
  • Someone else is there when you arrive, or turns up after.
  • Pushes drinks or drugs on you before anything happens.

None of this proves anything on its own. Two or three together is a pattern — trust it.

Reporting: Your Call

Reporting is entirely your choice. Doing it helps police connect cases — robbers who use apps rarely do it once.

  • Many police forces have LGBTQ+ liaison officers. You can ask for one.
  • Being on a hookup, being gay or bi, or having used drugs doesn't make you the offender. You're reporting a robbery or extortion.
  • You can report to the app even if you don't go to the police. Apps can preserve account data, which helps if you change your mind later.
  • LGBTQ+ organisations can advise you on reporting, and in some places they'll report on your behalf.

In countries where gay sex or relationships are criminalised, fake profiles are also used by police and vigilante groups for entrapment. Going to the police there can put you at risk. Contact a local LGBTQ+ organisation first — they know how reporting actually plays out where you are. Check the country guides for local context.

If It Went Further Than Robbery

  • If you were made to do anything sexual you didn't want to, that's sexual assault — including if you went along with it to stay safe. The medical window for PEP is 72 hours.
  • If you were hit or hurt, get it checked and documented, even if it seems minor.

Things That Are Normal Afterwards

  • Feeling stupid for "falling for it." You didn't — it's a practised script.
  • Replaying the chat looking for what you missed.
  • Not wanting to open the apps again, or opening them compulsively.
  • Jumping at your phone, or dreading every message from an unknown number.

These usually ease with time. If they don't, or if the fear of being outed is running your life, a therapist who works with LGBTQ+ clients is the right next step.

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